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Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]

The animals are here.

August 21st, 2006 (04:09 am)

He stayed awake until I came home.

Maggie...she's THE DOG, Maggie is rubbing against me...
She knows.

Smelling my shoes on the floor, as I drag things I don't want them to touch...
into "MY ROOM".
Tucking things away like a jealous child.

She knows.

She is snuffling around me, carefully.

She knows I am not happy, that I am afraid.



Circling and circling.

This home is so new to her.

She bows her head and approaches me as I type....

I sdafefklfgjlgghsklht *HAHAHA* she's on me and licking me.......
I pet her.
I'm already itching.

Her face is profound.
She sighs and puts it down on the floor and looks at me.

I don't know, Maggie, I don't know.
You lay so elegantly on my floor, watching me with one eye open.

You know.
You know and you
sigh.

My face is swelling from her licks.........
I am ashamed I cannot touch her.

This is her new house too.
*pops two pink pills into her own mouth*
She keeps looking at me, she wants to go outside?

Can I let her outside???
She's a jumper.

She isn't looking at me anymore...
she is looking out the back door.

I want to let her out.
I can't.
She'll jump, she'll leave.
She'll look for the place more familiar.

HER tree house.

She looks so sad.
Her tail curled under her.

She lost her friend tonight, Drew's dog.
She is lonely and feels lost.

Nothing here smells familiar.

It is hard to call it Home.

My head is filling with snot and my lip is swelling where she licked me.

I'm suddenly so tired again.

What a strange hell this is.


Drugs.
I need the Drugs.

Surely there is something I can take???
Shoot up?
SWALLOW.

The cat, of course....is no where to be seen.
HE knows better.
He's a cat.

I got off work earlier than I thought I would tonight.
I didn't come home.
I knew what I was coming home to.

I was afraid.

I prolonged this moment for as absolutely long as possible.

And when I came home, I found my Benjamin waiting up for me....
to usher me into it.

The man who has to be out the door by 6:30 AM.
Waited up until 2 AM.

The cat is in here somewhere, but doesn't need the same kind of comfort that the dog
does. Maggie makes me want to cry. She is as confused by all of this, as I am.

I have already broken out in a rash.

I already cannot breathe.

She keeps looking at me.
Walking through the house.....
I want to let her out, but she will jump the fence and we will not be able to find her.

Maggie, she's curled up on the floor and just sighed.

My face is itchy and my lip is swelling where I was licked.



I let her out.
She jumped.

My heart left me.

I called her back.....
she came.

she took a nice pee....and after more calling, came to me and back into the house.

*head in hands*

The cat is in the guest bathroom.
I am not sure how he got there.

I do not know if Ben put him there or he just got trapped there.

Do I open the door???

Is he supposed to be in there???

He gave me a disdainful glance, while I peed.

Cat's are way cooler than me.

*sigh*

DO I LET HIM OUT???

He seemed comfortable, but that is such a small space.

Was he PUT there, or did I trap him?

*head in hands*

Bynadryl is kicking in....can breath now, but cannot think clearly.

Kaditty is pacing in the bathroom, Maggie is on the floor with her eyes closed...
she must be so tired.

I am tired too, but afraid to go to bed.

This is the NEW WORLD.
It will require much work.

It will require better drugs.

*laughing sadly*





Who decides to do a thing like this???

I have to think very hard to remember the moment when all of this sounded like
a very very very good idea.

The man asleep on my futon, in our room???
For him I did this.
For me I did this.

(as I moved just now, Maggie came from the other room....)

She knows.

She has found her spot on my leopard print welcome mat in the annex.
She is laying there now, sighing, and looking at me.
It lays just outside the HOUSE proper.

She is curled up and lonely.
She knows.

Her mistress quietly hates that she is here.

She knows.



How does She know???

She found Her spot, just outside the house.......
just the spot I have always hoped she would chose.

And the Kaditty is in the bathroom jail I do not know wether to open or not.

I should go to bed.
It is getting close to when I should be home........
and thinking of bed.

More afraid than tired.
Our Dog has curled her paws under herself on the mat just outside our place.

She's such a GOOD BEAR.............
I am so ashamed.

The cat?
He will have to wait another two hours before Ben wakes up.
I still don't know if he was put there or just wound up there.

I can breathe.
My eyes itch......
But I can breathe.

I have a key to my house, and a key to Helen's scooter.

*swallows another pink pill to further stave off the itch and welt and sneeze*



Maggie knew where she belonged in this house.....far faster than me.

And she is sleeping.

WOW.

She woke as I typed that, wanted out again.
It is too late in the evening to let her out and chase her.

So I lead her to the garage.
Let her take tour of familiar smells.
She found Ben's Bike....sniffed it up and down.
Found her kennel box and Kaditty's box........sniffed and sniffed.

I stood at the door. She looked at me, she seemed to say:
okay, whatever is going on, it is not entirely unfamiliar. I can deal.

I let her back into the house and she is looking away from me now, frowning.

For a DOG, I speak very bad DOG.

She's turned now, facing me with those huge eyes.

I don't know what to say.

She's asleep again, finally..turns and turns as she sleeps.

Huffs and Sighs.

I know Girl, I know.


We are on the same page.

Sleep tight, we will figure all of this out.
All four of us +

(she just said woof in her sleep just now....actually said WOOF.)


Hope it is a good dream, Maggie.


This dog hopes for that herself as well.

Comments

Posted by: J. West (sentientkhan)
Posted at: August 21st, 2006 09:41 am (UTC)

I have returned to LJ after an extended absence, and this was the first post on my friends page, the first post of another I've read in some time.

This is why I came to LJ.... honesty, heartfelt writing, reality.

Fuck MySpace.

Wonderful post.

And although I'm not sure exactly what's going on , I think i can tell from the context clues, at least, that you've moved into a new place, a different place.

I'll read into it, I guess.

But make it your home. You owe it to yourself if you're gonna be there for a while.

Posted by: Life is just a series of relative disappointments. (pokee)
Posted at: August 21st, 2006 11:27 am (UTC)

You said "Our dog."

I saw it.

You cannot deny it.

It's being done.

(I was originally going to type "It's been done," but I understood before I typed it)

Posted by: They call me 'Benton' (die7fox)
Posted at: August 21st, 2006 01:49 pm (UTC)

What a beautiful post.

Despite the anxiety, I have the feeling you're going to succeed here. :-)

Posted by: Our Lady of Perpetual Meanderings (twistedcat)
Posted at: August 21st, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC)
hawk

sublingual vitamin b12 works wonders and won't make your head as foggy as benadryll

4 Read Comments