Log in

No account? Create an account
Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]

Okay, I'll blurt it out:

March 27th, 2006 (02:30 am)

Date with destiny, chance at a place I would love-love-love to work for,
be a valuable part of. I have an old friend in the Royalty who has
given me his blessing (you know who you are) to further my odds of success.

An in, A shot.

The weekend took me apart. I hit...rock bottom. I thought I had hit it already, truly I did.
I had not--there were a few more dank feet left to slip.

My Father paid my utility and phone bill. I am 35 and a half years old.
Daddy took care of it.
I waited until the very very very last moment to call.

In the ten months of my unemployment I had not asked for his help.

Had I not--Monday morning would have found me in darkness and silence.

Somehow, that was it. The snap. The point that shook me until my spine snapped back
into place. barry_barry had given me a piece of paper with a list of places he
had found on Craig's List that I might be good for. I had shoved it in my bag, stormed
home to writhe and twist in my own self-loathing.

The phone rang, and it was the lady who calls to tell you--it's over and they are shutting
you down. I put the receiver down, Maw-Maw's ancient phone, me sitting on the little
seat of the phone-table my Grandfather made... the only two things I wanted to inherit
when she was the last of the two to pass away.

I picked the receiver up, and dialed Home.
And as they always do, when I need them most--my Family took care of me.

I called Bear, and apologised for going to incomprehensible-pieces that morning...
that I hadn't been lashing out at him, I had been lashing out at myself--he had just been
in the line of fire. He was calmly accepting of my apology.

He came over. We got to work on the Social Security Card debacle. I could not get the
part of the site that I needed to print a form from to come up on my machine. As he set
to the task of deciphering the morass of the Riverside County CA Court web-site...
I opened the piece of paper he had given me as I was leaving earlier that morning. It
was brilliant. Top of the page, posted just the day before--was a place I would love to
work for--and they were not accepting applications until Monday at 11 AM.

I chirped my pleasure, and he nodded, I knew you and Annie liked that place.

I picked up the receiver again, began dialing the number of an old Friend. Calling to
ask for a favour... though he and I have not been in touch in years. I needed his help.
I needed his reference. He shouldn't have been kind.

He was. More than kind. We spoke at length, catching up--laughing about the strange
nature of our Town...there are Only 9 people in Austin, it's all done with mirrors.
We traded stories, and he gave me his blessing. I thanked him again and again.
Don't worry, Kitty-Cat... he said as we closed with our goodbyes.

I howled when I got off the phone.

Bear found the problem and sent the information to his own computer, where the much
needed piece of paper was later printed up. It goes in the mail tomorrow. A certified
copy of my divorce will now finally make it's way through the CA red tape and into my
hands--where I can then take it to the SS office, and close that nasty little circle.

That Saturday afternoon I swallowed my pride and sat in one of the little booths at
TARGET and applied for a position there. It was a bit like throwing The Sisters
a bone of 'intention'.
(Bear rewarded me with dinner out afterwards--He is ever such a Good-Bear.)

I spent Sunday at his place, working on my resume...
(a 'brief' tale of one Waitress)
he printed up ten beautiful copies on creamy paper.

Late tomorrow morning I go to the place I want most, the place I know will be mine.
I will not stop there, I have five more places on my list. My loverly list. And this time
I am armed with something I have not had in ten months.

IT came back to me when I hit the very very bottom.
How did you say it the other night, Daniel-Tiger? I remembered who I was...
After that, you could take on the blind bull in front of you, and win him.

The people who love me have been here the whole time, the whole time.
But I haven't.


Posted by: hairypolack (hairypolack)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)

break a leg tomorrow

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 09:21 am (UTC)
Explodex's Ginger

I owe you a few apologies
for my incomprehensible-pieces
as well.

Thanks for shrugging off the wrath,
and hanging in there.

Posted by: Glenn (gev)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 09:24 am (UTC)
you never cease to amaze

your luck is quite similar to mine.
certainly glad to hear you're still up & running...

Posted by: Coffee Shop Whore (skidspoppe)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC)

Welcome to the well.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 28th, 2006 10:38 am (UTC)


Posted by: emily (tugena13)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
wonder twins

good luck, sis!

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 28th, 2006 10:37 am (UTC)

It went well, Mei Mei!

Posted by: barry_barry (barry_barry)
Posted at: March 27th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)

I hope you didn't get rained on this morning!

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 28th, 2006 10:35 am (UTC)
Wet Swords

Oh, but you know I did!!!


9 Read Comments