I can't do it.

September 17th, 2005 (08:13 am)

I just cannot go.

My alarm went off moments ago,
I could not sleep last night--drifted off after 6 AM.

I'm a mess.
Shaky.
Still not well.

But more than anything,
I simply do not feel strong enough
to make it through that kind of....
Journey.

To sit in the car all the way to Llano
in a car with his family...
To go through the ritual of it all.

To bury another
of my young Friends.

I just cannot go.

I have called Kevin, left a message--
so they would not wait for me.
I am ashamed of myself.

But I just cannot do this.
I can't do it.

Comments

Posted by: madravenstark (

madravenstark)

Posted at: September 17th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC)

dont feel ashamed, babe. its not your fault Pestilence is trying to worm his way past your immune system. {hugs} youre ok.

Corvin

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Posted by: stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder (

433)

Posted at: September 17th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)

He knows you care, hon. He knows.

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Posted by: lolliejean (

lolliejean)

Posted at: September 17th, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC)

It's okay, hon. You don't have to go and you don't need to feel bad or guilty about it. Rest, remember happier times, get healthy and continue to celebrate life. That's the best way to honor a deceased friend.

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Posted by: Coffee Shop Whore (

skidspoppe)

Posted at: September 17th, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC)

Saying goodbye is a personal thing.

Don't yell yourself - everyone involved knows who you are, what you meant to him and how you feel.

You're a rock. Sometimes rocks have to stay where they are in order to provide a foundation and support.

(yeah, I'm writing for a tabloid, I have to get my platitudes out somewhere else)

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Posted by: transientsoul (

transientsoul)

Posted at: September 17th, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)

Don't be ashamed sweet one.

You need to be at home resting. Everybody honors the deceased in their own way. You've been very sick and I think that the physical and emotional stress of travelling today would have thrown you into pneumonia. I'm glad to know that you are home, safe and getting well.

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Posted by: emily (

tugena13)

Posted at: September 19th, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)