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Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]

I seem to be very Busy, of late....

April 24th, 2005 (02:08 am)
current song: The End Of Medicine

First solo night, home after work, in nearly a week.

Suddenly exhausted.
Glad to be alone.

I have been shoving a lot of activity into the empty space.
If I crash, I don't have to try and fall asleep.

If I'm around a lot of people--I am ON.

I forget...stuff.

I get to be Shiny Ginger.
...Blow Kisses, Hug Hugs, Smile and Dance.

I Have Tuesday off--hoping at long last to get my shit together
and have my scooter towed.

I'm losing it.

It's too easy not to do ANYTHING, when I have cash.
And I'm eating into the Scooter fund rapidly.

Time for the reigns--AND the whip.

Has been fun to finally be able to be like I used to be...
pick up the tab, take Friends out...

But that isn't what that money is FOR.
Not why I've saved it.

I need to take care of REAL Happy....
not the surface varietal.

Time isn't making me miss Him any less.
It's deepening the ache.

Clarifying it.
I'm past the feral emotions...
Now I am simply
Wondering if I could have avoided........


I'm questioning MYSELF finally.

Seeing, what I did wrong.

(yes, Friends, I realise I am still in THE PROCESS
but knowing is not even NEARLY half the battle...)

We've said, in six months, we'll be able to sit down and Talk
about IT.
He'll finally tell me--why.

i am so afraid.

Why can't I just not CARE???
Why cannot I just brush this off and go on?

The Moon has my body cramping, sending hormones
to my already addled brain....
Doubt and Panic, like a drug
that is released every 28 days.

I have always been secretly fond of the fact
that I cycle with the Full Moon...
But it is often more than I can take.

To physically HURT, while your emotions spin
out of control--under the direction of that huge
shiny stone in the night sky.

*empty laugh*

He used to look up in the sky, when I was
acting crazy.....
To see where we stood on the map of Lunacy.

::shakes herself::



Hey, Tuesday is my Parent's 36th Wedding Anniversary....
That's pretty COOL.

I cringed and laughed on my last visit--when rooting
through the medicine cabinet of their bathroom for a Tylenol...
I found some little blue pills, for Daddy.
I was reading the prescription label, and almost dropped them!


Damn, they're still AT IT!!!!


Rock on Mom and POP!

*cringes despite herself*



Oh hell.
It's going to get better....
I'll get over all this.

There will be NEW adventures.

MORE stories.

I bounce back, just....a little slower now.

*Cracks her Zippo and touches it to the fag between her Teeth*

I'll be FINE.


Posted by: Zutroy (zutroy)
Posted at: April 24th, 2005 12:25 pm (UTC)

Why can't I just not CARE???
Why cannot I just brush this off and go on?

Because then you wouldn't be Ginger. Your heart is too big to just let go of things.

Posted by: Public Joy Killing Birthday Gang (bloodlossgirl)
Posted at: April 24th, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)

You're already *FINE*. One of the finest people I know.

Even when you think you've fallen to pieces.

I'm still in the whirlwind.

Oh, Ginger, the things I want to tell you that can't go in a comment to an un-locked down post ....
i think i'll make you a filter for one.

Posted by: Orin (rin_o)
Posted at: April 24th, 2005 10:54 pm (UTC)

"I'll be FINE."
translation: life has kicked the living hel out of me. again.

now someone kiss it and make it better.
Can also mean: i feel awful, so all the more reason to go out and start enjoying life.

any of that good enough?

Posted by: emily (tugena13)
Posted at: April 25th, 2005 03:57 pm (UTC)

wow. i am holy fuckin' hearing you on this post, sister.

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