Glad to be alone.
I have been shoving a lot of activity into the empty space.
If I crash, I don't have to try and fall asleep.
If I'm around a lot of people--I am ON.
I get to be Shiny Ginger.
...Blow Kisses, Hug Hugs, Smile and Dance.
I Have Tuesday off--hoping at long last to get my shit together
and have my scooter towed.
I'm losing it.
It's too easy not to do ANYTHING, when I have cash.
And I'm eating into the Scooter fund rapidly.
Time for the reigns--AND the whip.
Has been fun to finally be able to be like I used to be...
pick up the tab, take Friends out...
But that isn't what that money is FOR.
Not why I've saved it.
I need to take care of REAL Happy....
not the surface varietal.
Time isn't making me miss Him any less.
It's deepening the ache.
I'm past the feral emotions...
Now I am simply
Wondering if I could have avoided........
I'm questioning MYSELF finally.
Seeing, what I did wrong.
(yes, Friends, I realise I am still in THE PROCESS
but knowing is not even NEARLY half the battle...)
We've said, in six months, we'll be able to sit down and Talk
He'll finally tell me--why.
i am so afraid.
Why can't I just not CARE???
Why cannot I just brush this off and go on?
The Moon has my body cramping, sending hormones
to my already addled brain....
Doubt and Panic, like a drug
that is released every 28 days.
I have always been secretly fond of the fact
that I cycle with the Full Moon...
But it is often more than I can take.
To physically HURT, while your emotions spin
out of control--under the direction of that huge
shiny stone in the night sky.
He used to look up in the sky, when I was
To see where we stood on the map of Lunacy.
Hey, Tuesday is my Parent's 36th Wedding Anniversary....
That's pretty COOL.
I cringed and laughed on my last visit--when rooting
through the medicine cabinet of their bathroom for a Tylenol...
I found some little blue pills, for Daddy.
I was reading the prescription label, and almost dropped them!
Damn, they're still AT IT!!!!
Rock on Mom and POP!
*cringes despite herself*
It's going to get better....
I'll get over all this.
There will be NEW adventures.
I bounce back, just....a little slower now.
*Cracks her Zippo and touches it to the fag between her Teeth*
I'll be FINE.