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Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]

April 6th, 2005 (05:20 am)

Do you have ANY idea...
how much poison I consumed tonight???

Half a bottle of Jameson's whisky and a sixer of Tecate.
I shouldn't be able to stand.

But I can type, all five foot two inches and a hundred and thirty-five pounds
of ME.

Maybe I can't stand.
I haven't tried in a while....

*Sigh*

But I'm still here.
Still typing.

*head in hands*

AND

it all still HURTS.

There IS no numb.
Save black out.
Save sleep....

Poe's Little slices of Death.

CAN i finally pull away from the distraction of the screen?
Lay down?

I know, on the flip side of my tongue--all of this......
is
Drama.

And will pass.

But my head, not my heart, my HEAD says......
Yes, but there comes a time, when one has had enough of the boards.

I didn't want theatre any more.
I wanted to crawl into bed every night with the same Man.

AND I HAVE NEVER EVER WANTED THAT BEFORE.

not in my heart, not in my head.

I let my guard down.

He was like me....
Sooo like me.

What happens next?

What is left???

I think the last thing left to break--
has been broken.

Seriously Folks...
I have almost sat down to these keys several times
in the last few days....
to tell you I had nothing left.



But it sounded too Dramatic.



One doesn't leave a suicide note on Livejournal....
that's ridiculous.

Even if you've prepped three people with your codes in case something happens...

*laughs*

I can't do that double injustice to 931.

So I will go to bed drunk now, and wake up in the morning...
go to work.
Make coffee.

I'll laugh with my Friends there, and come home late.

I'll be embarrassed by this post......
but know it's been a long time coming.

I should have told you...I've been wanting to DIE.

for weeks.

But I haven't.

Now I have.

We'll all go on.

I'm rubbing my nose, to keep from crying.
I can't cry anymore.

I know.

Everyone gets Dumped.



I DON'T.

I never wanted to get hauled up to begin with.
I never wanted to be that girl.

I was solid....

Now I'm not.


I got taken apart....I believed in something I never ever let myself
believe in.

Then--without cause or reason.
It ended.

And my brain hurts.
More than my heart--
My brain hurts.


Like--
Like when GOD dies.

Comments

Posted by: Gabrielle (beeswing)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:25 am (UTC)

*big hugs* Love you, Ginger.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:32 am (UTC)
Tiny....
Spirited Away

Poe said they were Tiny slices of Death.

*laughs*

Christ--why am I not in bed.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:35 am (UTC)
Re: Tiny....
Girl-Wonder

Love you too, Beeswing.

All the way out there where you are.

*sigh*

You write such beautiful words.

Posted by: Gabrielle (beeswing)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:47 am (UTC)
Re: Tiny....

You do too. :) x

Posted by: Glenn (gev)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:34 am (UTC)
that's a lot of poison.

Like when GOD dies.

and that...  well, I've never seen that phrase turned before.

you can't die until you write your book[s].

I forbid it.
ya HEAR?!

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 07:50 am (UTC)
Re: that's a lot of poison.
Holy Shit...

I dunno....
I remember when MY God died.

It was dreadful.

Joe Campbell had a hand in the Murder,
but so did one of my Sunday School Teachers.

Ok.

I'll write the Book(s).

Happy?

(an yeah, I hear. *smiles* and am grateful, for YOU.)

Posted by: Jenny (woodwhat)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 10:55 am (UTC)
pelican

I'm so sorry, Ginger... I hope things look better for you today than they did yesterday and that the trend continues infinitely.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 07:38 am (UTC)
Sweet Sweet Woodwhat..........
The Sisters

*grins and grins*

I cannot WAIT to meet you.


And today was good.
The Sisters were kind enough to give me
the tiniest of hang-overs--
(*holds head laughing*)
and the day plodded along,
Mirth, Worth, and All.

I am lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing humans...

You are, I am so happy to say, one of them now.


GET THIS!

*GRINS*

A Dear Friend of mine from Austin....
Is living in Charlotte now.
Moved for work...and loves it.

He's invited me down.

I'll be very very near You and Richard
in the next couple of months....
MAYish?

*GRINS HUGE*

And I sooooooooooooooooo
Want to Kiss the Bride!

We simply MUST get together.
We MUST.

So THERE.

*grins again*

Posted by: Jenny (woodwhat)
Posted at: April 8th, 2005 03:07 am (UTC)
Re: Sweet Sweet Woodwhat..........

Yes! Yes! Yes! Especially the kissing the bride bit. ;)

I have plans to be out of town Memorial Day weekend, but other than that, I'm free. Let us know your plans.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 8th, 2005 11:27 am (UTC)
Re: Sweet Sweet Woodwhat..........
The Sisters

(god I love that Icon)

I wish I had ANYTHING resembling a game plan,
the trip is SET--but in the AIR.

We both...
Work and such....

Now I have at LEAST a place to work AROUND!!!

*laughs*

I won't show up,
Memorial DAy Weekend.

*grins*

ONE of these days, I'll get my shit together...

'Cause

I really want to
KISS THE BRIDE.

I have faith in The Sisters....
IT will all come together.

It's just SUPPOSED to be that way.

It's all about Faith.
*laughs*
I believe.

Posted by: transientsoul (transientsoul)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)

You can't die until you eat sushi and drink saki with me.
Even after that you still can't die. NO NO NO.
:::HUGS:::

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 07:05 am (UTC)
Transientsoul HAS SPOKEN!
Holy Shit...

so shall it ever be........

*GRINS AT YOU*

Posted by: emily (tugena13)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC)

boys are dumb. *sigh*

want me to come down there and kick some ass on your behalf?

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 07:03 am (UTC)
If'n You Come Down.......
Tankgirl

(and you're SO invited, my little 300 sq foot pad has BECOME the AUSTIN LJ HOSTIL)

We'll have more fun things to do--than Ass Kick'n.

But the OFFER--
is MAD apreciated.

*GRINS*

Posted by: Calamity Vain (esmetutu)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 03:45 pm (UTC)
this comment is for all your posts over the evening...

i'm certain you've felt this way before. but like childbirth it's something we don't remember so we can do it all over again. because if we did remember how much it hurts to have our hearts broken we'd never fall in love again. but like in the past, while it doesn't feel that way now, you'll get over this. you are much too strong and have been through too much to let this one man ultimately get you.
it's funny that as we get older heartache becomes harder. you'd think it'd be easier, all this practice we all get in. but with getting older, each relationship turns into *the one*, or a hope for it to be. even without marriage and children, women desire stability and a home. to play house! i find it... lame, i guess, that he didn't like you changing into the girlfriend. because after a few months of i love yous and sleepovers, that's just what a girl does. and that transformation is still ginger, just different... better even! and he should have seen that. taken pride and comfort in your 'settling down'.
he wasn't the one for you because you weren't the one for him. right now you're only thinking about the good, but there was bad too. you DO NOT want a man who doesn't want you for every little thing you have to offer. every little transformation you make. the beauty of a relationship is blending two people into one. making things work and fit. and what you become from that is an amazing thing.
i know you know all this. i know your post was just a vent. but i'd feel terrible if i didn't comment... just to add my support for you. even if you don't care, don't comment, don't even know who the hell i am. you see, from this i learn too. i learn that heartache isn't all so bad. i've done it before, so have you and we've become stronger for it. hang in there.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 06:45 am (UTC)
Re: this comment is for all your posts over the evening...
Solid Grin

Hey--that was sorta...Beautiful.

I wanted to interupt, while I read it...
Tell you I have never been dumped before,
insist MANY things....

But I read
and read
and--you're right.

You're right about everything.

And of COURSE I've been dumped before.
There was Mike Trigg when I was in the 9th grade!
HE was a sophomore--very exoitic.

*laughs*

I got a credit card the yesterday, and the man's last name
was Trigg--I asked him if he had any familiy that might have
lived on Okinawa in the mid-80's.


*laughs*


(I actually DID ask him this!)

*laughs harder*

He said no--and looked at me funny.

Mike, no Michael Trigg's in the Family?

Ah--No....

Sorry, I said....
Long lost Love, just checkin.

He finally smiled, and nodded...
and took his coffee and went on his way.


Love is crazy.
Makes us crazy.

You--my Friend, are talking plain sense.
And--I cannot thank-you enough.

*SMILES*

Posted by: truejessi (truejessi)
Posted at: April 6th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
howdy

How do I make a cool picture pop up with my comment Ginger? There are so many things I need to learn from you. Boys are dumb. (I already learned that). You will be fine. If I can make it, you can. Damn the man!

Life will get better. I have the new alamo drafthouse by my house and summer is coming up!

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 7th, 2005 06:30 am (UTC)
Re: howdy
Spidey Sense

We Shall Movie Indeed, this Summer!!!

And come by my place, we'll take a pic of ya
or FIND a pic you want to use...
and make an icon--I'll show you how to put it in the system.

(did I, Ginger Lynn Stevens, just utter those words???e
THE neo-ludite carless bankaccountless whore from hell...
is going to teach someone
something

ON THE BLINKY BOX?!!?!!)

It'll be fun.
We'll make drinkies too!

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