Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931) wrote,
Red Lipstick & Green Ink
ginger931

Do you have ANY idea...
how much poison I consumed tonight???

Half a bottle of Jameson's whisky and a sixer of Tecate.
I shouldn't be able to stand.

But I can type, all five foot two inches and a hundred and thirty-five pounds
of ME.

Maybe I can't stand.
I haven't tried in a while....

*Sigh*

But I'm still here.
Still typing.

*head in hands*

AND

it all still HURTS.

There IS no numb.
Save black out.
Save sleep....

Poe's Little slices of Death.

CAN i finally pull away from the distraction of the screen?
Lay down?

I know, on the flip side of my tongue--all of this......
is
Drama.

And will pass.

But my head, not my heart, my HEAD says......
Yes, but there comes a time, when one has had enough of the boards.

I didn't want theatre any more.
I wanted to crawl into bed every night with the same Man.

AND I HAVE NEVER EVER WANTED THAT BEFORE.

not in my heart, not in my head.

I let my guard down.

He was like me....
Sooo like me.

What happens next?

What is left???

I think the last thing left to break--
has been broken.

Seriously Folks...
I have almost sat down to these keys several times
in the last few days....
to tell you I had nothing left.



But it sounded too Dramatic.



One doesn't leave a suicide note on Livejournal....
that's ridiculous.

Even if you've prepped three people with your codes in case something happens...

*laughs*

I can't do that double injustice to 931.

So I will go to bed drunk now, and wake up in the morning...
go to work.
Make coffee.

I'll laugh with my Friends there, and come home late.

I'll be embarrassed by this post......
but know it's been a long time coming.

I should have told you...I've been wanting to DIE.

for weeks.

But I haven't.

Now I have.

We'll all go on.

I'm rubbing my nose, to keep from crying.
I can't cry anymore.

I know.

Everyone gets Dumped.



I DON'T.

I never wanted to get hauled up to begin with.
I never wanted to be that girl.

I was solid....

Now I'm not.


I got taken apart....I believed in something I never ever let myself
believe in.

Then--without cause or reason.
It ended.

And my brain hurts.
More than my heart--
My brain hurts.


Like--
Like when GOD dies.
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