June 20th, 2005


Trying to trick myself into a normal schedule...

I dose myself with benedryl at a reasonable "bedtime".
Only to wake up as the drug wears off at 2 AM.


So I lay there tossing
and worry with my beads:

Unemployment, my references, my busted scooter,
my nest egg, the fact that a lost wallet some time back
has left me with nothing but an old SS card that claims
I am still Ginger Lynn Copeland (my married name of 15 years ago)...
Where is my birth certificate? How do I get a new one?

I have no degree...
No credit...
And nothing but a Texas Driver's License
and a 20 year old expired Passport, as identification.

I barely exist.

The person I thought I would
Spend my life with--
turned and walked away three months ago
with little to no explanation.

I am less than three months
from my 35th Birthday.

I turn on the TV to drown out the noise in my head.
American Masters is coming on PBS.
Julia! America's Favorite Chef...

She....she was AMAZING.
And you know...she didn't even begin to know what she wanted
to do with her life--until she was my age.
She was Party-Girl with very little direction--for YEARS!

She was not afraid...of making mistakes.

Her two great loves, Cooking and Paul Child...were not even MET
until she was in her Thirties.

I feel less lost suddenly.
My spark coaxed back to glow....
with this simple documentary.

A reminder of Hope and Beauty and Life and Love...and FOOD!

Something not too terribly rare, on my favourite TV station.

It has come to my attention this week that House appropriators have proposed
more than $220 million in crippling funding cuts for public broadcasting
in the new fiscal year. Proposed funding cuts as severe as these –
representing 45% of federal financial support –
are nothing less than a direct attack on the future of public television and radio.
The proposed cuts constitute at least malicious wounding,
if not the outright attempted murder of public broadcasting in America.

More info and 'What can you Do?'

I'm off to write my own letters.........
I have "intended to" all week.
Now, I am profoundly reminded that I MUST.

Thank-you PBS and NPR!!!
  • Current Music
    The Letter R and the Number 10!


It is sooooo HOT and HUMID and HORRID out there.

I am drenched.

Just ran errands, went to CM for some necessities, and lugged
my big canvas bag full of goodies back across
all those heat soaked parking lots.

(there are about FIVE between my apartment and the Market)


I keep telling myself that, over and over.
Yes, it's going to get even hotter....

But somehow
just knowing the days start getting shorter

Makes it bearable.

It's the Vampire in me.

TOMORROW the sun sets a few moments sooner......
Under the Eyes of Texas.

Oooh! And I get my eyes checked tomorrow morning!!!