April 15th, 2005


Wow. That was FUN.


Sitting on the floor around my little trunk of words?

I was quiet...
for once,


To O.J. (Original Jessica)
And J.I.B. (Butters, Jonathan....our quiet NEW guy.)

And we tucked into a bottle of Monopolowa, with a thousand mixers.
We closed together tonight.

But my dirty little floor was host to the pillows FER SITTIN'
and three people lounging around a trunk full of old shit.

Tipping back fruity glasses of Spirit.
On stone coasters.

(yeah, I got to Entertain.)

Too much was about GOD.

I listened.

I added my two bits.

More words spilled.

I was caught in the exchange between the two of Them.
Words I know by rote.

There were moments when I wanted to throw them out--
Blasphemies of my own Church,
too odd to hear all the words that make my skin crawl off my body
in my OWN home.

But I sat still, and grimaced, and listened.

"Well, what is it that YOU believe, Ginger?"

he asked.

And I had to sit in the mush pot.
Eyes wide for whole seconds.

I remembered how Mr Smith made fun of me for using the word
too much..........

I shook it off.

We are part of something, larger than I think we are capable
of wrapping our heads around--
we would have to BE on the outside, to do so.

But I see no source of HE or SHE--controlling the strings.

IT doesn't mesh with the patterns around me.

IT isn't about the human idea, of being, but the tiniest pieces of this
*knocks the trunk with her fist*
the bits that can only be broken down so far, as we understand it.....

We are all made of THIS stuff.

The same stuff.

I didn't convert, and wasn't converted.

We all had a good time, talking.

I spoke about my idea of LENSES....
How I need The Sisters to get by, I need their SHAPE.

They agreed, they need THEIR shapes too.

No one left angry.
No one actually agreed.

IT was good.

Very Good.
  • Current Music
    Unconsciously Screaming
Catwoman 2

A Fox, would make me break out in hives.........

A Cat,
a Rat,
a hairless Rat............
(i tried)

A dog???


I cannot breathe around them.
TOUCH them.

My skin inflames, my eyes swell, and sometimes....
I cannot breathe at all.

I keep a dose of Benadryl on me at ALL times.

I can't go to parties, at friend's houses, who have pets.


I even have a tube of Benadryl CREAM in my bag of trix,
in case something SCRATCHES me.

The welt like a mosquito-bite, will draw up all along my arms.

How odd.

Something everyone else can enjoy....
I can never ever touch.

A pet, a companion....
I get fish.

No mice,
no rats.
no dogs,
no cats,
no ferrets,
no rabbits,

with this.

I pack my ointments and drugs.

I get it.
This is what I can, and cannot do.

I can never have a pet that looks me back in the face
with deep Mammal Eyes.

I can never bury my face in the fur, of a four-legged loved one.


Wags their tail, sleeps in my bed...

Sleeps in my bed????

I have a stuffed Rat, named Lenny,
Ken Liek gave him to me, when the last
bastion of FURRY was taken from me--and
I had to give little Bill, my Rat, to a nursery school.
So I could breathe at night.
It was a hard break up.

Lenny sleeps in my bed, now.
I love him.

Do you have a cat???
I cannot sleep at your House.

I cannot even have dinner, there.

(we drank at my apartment tonight...because lil' O.J.
has a GREAT PATIO, but a bevy of critters.)

You know--
I wouldn't DREAM
of asking her to get rid of her animals............
So I could hang out there,
and drink.

*slips the cracked soap box back under her feet*

How could I forget???
The cat girl, who cannot have a cat................


It wasn't my frame of mind.
I wasn't prepared to FIGHT.
I didn't think....
I'd need to.
  • Current Music
    Scary Monsters (& Super Creeps)

Sure, I'm being an ass...............

No one is elegant when they spit.


I'm in a spitting mood.

I hate when my journal becomes a letter to someone..........
IT's supposed to be a letter to ME.

This place isn't for...
Well, it isn't for THIS.

Perhaps more, than I am willing to admit, is due
to a small ache inside--I cannot shake.

Someone at work, came in tonight.......
and asked if I had lost weight.

I said, Yeah, about a hundred and seventy pounds!
(tips hat to skidspoppe for the joke)

The guy just stared like an idiot.

::wants to thump his head like a melon::

I've lost about ten pounds.
My boyfriend dumped me.
YAY! Pain diet.

(his girlfriend kicked him under the counter.)

He's one of US, Siren Ilk, and one of those GO GETTERS
I kinda want to choke, anyway.

(I was ROASTING COFFEE when he was in knee pants!)

I wanted to point out that his mohawk was out of spec, because it is bleached?

And then I just kinda wanted to kill myself...


metaphorge--I am too awed by too many years of having you
BE someone I was awed by...

To argue.

You played the Orphan card.
I cannot beat that.

If my Father goes before I do....
I hope they have a rubber room ready.


I will still fight for it, Friend.
It's dirty.
It isn't healthy.

But it's HOME.

It's mine.

I wish I could..........
show it all to You, from beginning, to Now.

IT's a good story.

It is.

(do you have a cat?)
  • Current Music
    My Sentimental Melody