April 12th, 2005


This Time....

He called me.



::sucking back that swollen feeling in my chest, and behind my face, refusing to cry::

I'd gotten off work, just now...
Just walked in the door...

Hey, This is Nick.
I was just calling to see how you were doing...


Hey! How's it goin'?

oh--pretty good I guess...

Yeah? That's good.....

Oh--Um, I meant to call You, actually!
Yeah--um, I was going to tell you to just drop
that stuff off here, for Jaq, you know?

I mean there's no sense now in you paying to
ship it back...

's alright--I already sent it, He got it today I think, I talked with him...
He asked me when I was coming to Vegas...

Yah, *laughs weakly*
Guess you're not coming with me for the Wedding anymore, huh!

I dunno, I pretty much check Cities off my list once I've been...


*silence, awkward long infinite silence*

I miss You.

I know, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go now--before I ask you if you miss me...
*laughs too empty and too hard*



Yeah, Bye.


There was more to it...I guess, I remember asking after Mrs Bojangles the hamster...
And making sure the scooter wasn't in the way...
He said it was fine--not a problem.
Even that a friend of his was interested in buying it
after I got it fixed....

But that's about it.

Near every day
for a year
spent with a person....

Sleeping with them, cooking with them, creating wildly complex inside jokes...

And it becomes


I think I may throw up.
I haven't let the tears--surface.
But my stomach is flipping.

Like a Hamster in a Wheel.

I'm not glad he called.
But, I don't wish he hadn't.

I have to get up at 9:30 AM for an early mid-shift tomorrow...
didn't get out until nearly midnight tonight--and am used to crashing
around 6 AM.

This should be interesting.

*reaches for the Vodka*

Just a little.
For my nerves.
Just a little.
The Sisters

This Dream!!! This Dream!!!

And I have NO time to write it down...
it will be lost forever.

*bangs head*

If the Ancient Chinese and Aztecs....

*bangs head*

I have to get ready for WORK!!!

I had the MOST amazing guide....



Folks, I realise now, as my mind is waking up
and losing it's best parts....
I googled 'Joss Whedon' last night
to see how to spell his last name.

In doing so, I accidently saw.....
that he's involved--in the WW movie.

of course he is.

Because I didn't THINK about it very long,
my brain took off--WITH him in my sleep.

I was with an archiving Amazon last night.
She was gorgeous---her eyes---like that strange black stone
from Alaska that looks like metal.

She was...
Soft and Solid...lean. Brown.

I got to put on.......
It was amazing--I put it all back, but I got
to put it on....

I hope I can remember enough to tell about it
when I get home tonight.

Things that aren't possible.

And SHE.......
I wish I could describe just her voice.
I would be happy.

You better do my imagination--

-Ginger, off to make Coffee!

*Edit--Ginger dressed and out the door, adds+

even the piercings I have--this meant something.
Gotta catch a BUS!