March 3rd, 2005

Ginger1991

I've been having a bit of a "Ginger-Snap" of late....

The bulk of it began unraveling after I finished writing,
and then went back and read, my last post--
and was grimly inspired to skim my last 40.
(the bulk of which are friend-locked, unlike this one)

What a load of crap.
Insipid blah blah blah......

No edges
no fight
no wonder.

Crap.

I was mortified.
Quietly...
mortified.

Then last night I went down town,
out of work at the unusual hour of 4:30 pm...
It had been an early morning, and I'd not slept much
the night before--was exhausted.

But I needed some Ginger-time with my happy hour cronies
at Casino El Camino--all on my own.

I was in a weakened state, but I felt like the energy
would be good for me.

It was....
Joe entertained me with gusto unusual even for himself,
and placed fresh Lonestars in front of me
before I could set the empty down.

I talked with Linda Silk, an old friend--DEAR OLD FRIEND...
whom I've not had the pleasure of running into and catching up with
for nearly a year.

I met a new friend, Pete, who turned out to have had a very similar childhood
to my own....his older brother had actually gone the the same High School
I had gone to....on Okinawa Japan!

The bar chatter was cheerful and the movie was Star Trek (which one
has the whales, again?) and it was a really nice time.

I had called Mr Smith to see if he had plans that evening,
and he joined me around 9:30ish...
at that point--I was a bit loopy.

I readily admitted to said loopiness, and was ready to pile out
with my Mr S as soon as he'd finished his burger and had a few
Pyramid Heff's.

But then Tim Pipe walked in........
The documentarian of 6th Street.
My favourite photographer.
One of my Gurus.

I tugged on his sleeve, he turned and lit up
with a smile
and embraced me--Ginger!!! How are you?

i don't know, I whispered
i NEED you to take a photo of me--
so i can find out.


I had it in my head (and frankly, stone sober right now, I still do)
that his pictures are 'revealatory' that they see into a person.

In the more than ten years that I have known Tim Pipe, he has never
ever
ever
ever

taken a bad picture of me.
I treasure each one of them.
each for it's own reason.

And each time
I can read in my eyes,
something I did not know
about myself
at the time.


Mr Pipe instantly agreed, required no more explanation than my slurred
request, and took my hand--leading me upstairs to the room with the flames
on the walls and the pool table.

He positioned me in the corner, flames sweeping up around me...

i've lost my edge!!!!
I moaned at him, as he framed and reframed the shot....

*SNAP-FLASH!*

You haven't lost your edge....*peels back the photo covering*
just look at those EYES!

We both looked on as the black and white photo surfaced....

I looked dreadful.


without hesitation he swept the photo into his pocket
and looked me
in the eyes.

So what's going on?
he asked me, seriously.


*SIGH*



We talked for probably 20 minutes....
And he did, he did make me feel better.....
But.

I was right.
Something is wrong.

And I've no idea where to begin fixing it.

I feel fat, and old, and am waking up with thoughts of my own mortality...


I should be happy.
There are so many things for me to be HAPPY about
right now....

Why can't I get out of bed unless I'm going to work, or Mr Smith
is coming to drag me out?


I took the bus home tonight, always a joy at 11:30 PM--
the driver smiled at me and told me I smelled like coffee.
I forced a polite smile, and said yeah--and pointed to the logo
on my cap.

*ugh*

He was being friendly, and is one of my favourite drivers....
I made nice, but I wanted to burst into tears.

I sat down and slumped into a seat where he couldn't quite
make eye contact with me in the rearview mirror--as this usually
insights him to conversation.

And quietly road home in silence, leafing through the UT informal classes
brochure that had been left behind.

So many things I want to do, to learn...but no time.
The classes are all during my shifts at Starfucks.

I slumped further, and wondered if I would learn a lot of useful stuff....
in that MAC for beginners class......
I'm still not using this machine to it's full potential even for MY needs.

I got off at my stop, that I had forgotten to pull the chord for--
but the driver knew, anyway....
And I promised to bring him some coffee tomorrow, I accertained that he had
his own grinder...and made my exit.

*plod plod plod to my apartment complex, check mail*

Standing at the trash can I unloaded the sale sheets, the camel cigarette
offers, the pizza fliers, tucking the over-due water bill under my arm, the
SBUX health benefits info, the...

*CLINGGGK!*

A key fell to the ground.

I had a package???

I rescued the key
and fitted it into one of the big lock boxes
at the end of the line.

I sat down my load, and opened the box.
And then tore into the brown package inside.....

*blink*
*blink*
*blink*

Well,
damn.

*HUGE GRIN*

*LAUGHTER*

*sigh*

I fingered the contents, turning it over to read the back...
Five hundred years in the future
there's a whole new frontier, and the
crew of the Firefly-class spaceship Serenity
is eager to stake a claim on the action.


Someone had sent me:
Joss Whedon's Firefly
The Complete Series


@_@

Daniel???
Is this from you?

^_^

Thank-you.
It...um...it arrived at a good time.

Just as you did....two years ago,
when I met you
at the SXSW LJ party.

*grin*

You're timing, you're timing has always been amazing.

Thank-you.

I've pulled out a little Spanish Cava, sparkling wine I keep around
for emergency special occasions--and made a bit of a make shift
Kir Royale with some of the remaining Framboise from
the other night........

I'm in a flannel shirt and a ratty cotton night gown,
holding the stem of a pretty champagne flute, filled with purple bubbles.

I feel better.

I just put the first DVD in.......
so THIS is that show
you've been telling me
for years....
I would love.

^_^

Thank-you Daniel Tiger, thank-you very very much.


*raises her sparkly glass*

Here's to the future.

I'm an ass...........
But it keeps staying bright.

*BLOWS A KISS*
  • Current Mood
    "Serenity" Now!
Ginger1991

Holy....*sigh*

I think...
I think I am not allowed to voice discontent
with the Universe.

I just received THIS e-mail:

Hi Ging, yuppers, it's been a while! Well it's that time of year again
where you run yourself deliriously ragged during SXSW. I have put you
in for a Badge. They are $900 this year which means I may not get one
next year, but at least you'll enjoy this year. I have heard your name
has been entered and you should recieve confirmation at this email
address. So clear your Schedule and make your plans. Steve



*head in hands*

The Man.
The Man has done it--Again.

I'm on the IN, to my favourite party--in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

*sigh*

*PLANTS A WET ONE ON YOUR FOREHEAD*

*shakes her own head*

Wow.

wow.

wow.

Dude.
You are tooooooo
much.

*sigh*

Thank-you.

I still....don't know what to say.

I never do.
Ginger1991

Will I have the time....for the energy

This year

I cannot imagine doing it the way I have the last two years....
this year.

And this it seems, will be my last, with the magik pass.

*head in hands*

And there I was.......promising to make the coffee.

*laughs*

I want it.
I love it.
It is bigger than.........

I wish I could drag you all along.

We could ALL high-five John Stamos!!!

*head in hands*

I have two grand saved........
and no way to take off enough time to do it all Justice.

*head in hands*

It's my JOURNEY!!!

*sigh*

I don't want to miss it this year...