Log in

No account? Create an account
Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]

I am reminded suddenly, while paying bills online...

March 29th, 2009 (07:49 pm)

Of a moment of Epiphany in my childhood.

It was most unsettling.

I realised in a flash of horror, the reality of what having a job actually meant.

I say childhood, but I believe I was 16 at the time...

I had this shock--it wasn't even an incident that made it clear, I was just...
thinking about stuff.

I put all the pieces together and realised
I would never not
have to get up and do something...

That maybe, just maybe....what was next, might be worse
than what I was experiencing as a well traveled DoDDs kid
with a Father stationed in W Germany?


I honestly *laughing* remember sitting on the floor in my basement room
of our Townhouse in Otterberg
trying to wrap my head around it.

No Spring Break.

Just day after day after day....and the money, the money you couldn't just do ANYTHING
with it...you would have to just toss it--for rent for food for electricity?

WHO, i thought, WHO could live like that????
That cannot cannot be reality.

I buried the thought.

I think, I think ?
It just resurfaced.

The horror is fresh.

*smiles her waitress smile*


Posted by: Public Joy Killing Birthday Gang (bloodlossgirl)
Posted at: March 30th, 2009 02:03 am (UTC)
The horror is FRESH.
Death Eye!

I know what you mean, jellybean.

Hence: working 3 flexible part-time jobs (bookstore, 2 water aerobics gigs) to try and make enough to live, while escaping the horror and misery of 40+ hour a week drudging.

Need some time for the soul to do what it does.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 30th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
Re: The horror is FRESH.
Fabulous Las Vegas

I want to go to my High School Reunion in July...

I am scraping ends, for that.
Those folks I knew when I lived in Otterberg?

They are meeting in Vegas.

Posted by: Public Joy Killing Birthday Gang (bloodlossgirl)
Posted at: April 1st, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)
Re: The horror is FRESH.

I'm pulling for you! I hope you make it ;)

Posted by: Monkismo (satyrich)
Posted at: March 30th, 2009 06:14 am (UTC)
Don't get me started....

I'd say it's worse than we thought when we were kids. It's definitely more complicated. When we're kids, we have no idea of the bullshit that our parents probably dealt with in their jobs, because we see them as the ones with the power.

When you grow up, you realize that your choices are the confinements of not having enough money and the confinements of having a job that gives you just enough. Most of us are forced into a kind of "learned helplessness" where not only do we not question what we're asked to give up in return for a paycheck, but where we look down on anyone who doesn't play the game well.

I could go on, but I'll do it later from my own soapbox instead. ;-)

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: March 30th, 2009 06:45 am (UTC)
Re: Don't get me started....
Blue Open Book

Choose a venue.

I will sit at a little table
up front.

Posted by: Chakolate (chakolate)
Posted at: March 30th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)

That feeling that I *needed* to work or I would be homeless and hungry kept me at a job I hated more every day for 21 years. When I was finally fired I was absolutely devastated - for about an hour and a half.

Then I decided I could take a couple of classes and get a job that I really liked, and where people respected me.

12 years later I'm doing what I love. And it's true: living well *is* the best revenge.

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2009 05:19 am (UTC)

I don't hate my job, but I don't find it easy to...
feel accomplished, doing it.

I know I should be doing something ELSE
i just cannot figure out what.

Posted by: Chakolate (chakolate)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2009 05:34 am (UTC)

Try going back to school. High school was a PITA, but college is a lot of fun. (Mixed with a bit of hard work.)

8 Read Comments