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Red Lipstick & Green Ink [userpic]


January 14th, 2008 (04:25 am)

I've only had a few in my life,
each one seemed wildly important, a message from myself?
I've read that it is possible to train oneself to have them, but I think
I prefer the spontaneous sort.

I am in the shower, in my apartment. One I have never been in before even in my many recurring dreamscapes. The water is very hot, and the water pressure is strong--the way I like it best. I am washing my face, scrubbing with my eyes closed, soaping up and scrubbing myself hard all over. Shampooing my hair, lathering and repeating and then...a puddle of conditioner in my hand, massaged at length into my scalp.

steam and heat and clean.

Slowly and meticulously shaving my legs.

Rinsing the conditioner from my hair when I am finished.

A huge thick white towel is waiting for me when I am done and pull the clear plastic curtain back,
to reach for it.

I pat myself dry, and roughly towel the water from my hair before wrapping it around my torso and reaching for the pump lotion. I smooth the Nivea into the flesh of all my limbs and my throat and face. Rub my greased right hand across the mirror to clear it of condensation, block further steam from forming and disturbing my reflection.

Comb my hair back and make the part down the middle, then pull my short straight bangs out from the slicked-back part. Reach for my hair dryer and roll brush--blowing a quick burst of heat onto the mirror to further clear the reflection as I begin to shape my chin length hair into its familiar swing bob.

Leaning my head to the side, brushing and pulling the points out as I bump under the back wedge...I suddenly sense something is wrong. This is wrong.


I--I don't have bangs and a bob, I haven't for more than a year........two years?
I have very very very short hair.
I was in an accident.
My head was shaved to the scalp.
i have scars.

I look at myself.

But there I am, with the hair/visage I feel most to be me...
I am dreaming.
I realise.

I look around the bathroom quickly.
There are no artifacts.
White tile, simple plain ordinary.
The door is open to the connecting room--my bedroom?
I am now fully aware that I am dreaming, and the sense of urgency is overwhelming.

I usually only have a few moments from that realisation
and waking.

I must see where I am.
I must absorb as much of my surroundings as possible, I am seeing my own subconsciousness and am fully aware.
My heart is pounding.

I walk into my bedroom, it is empty--new carpet, clean just moved into
nothing on the walls. No artifacts.
There is simply a futon in the center of the floor, no blankets
only a fitted white sheet, a single pillow--a sleeping figure.

I know I must speak with this person, it is many people I know, it is me...
I try to wake them--but they will not wake up. Time, time is wasting.
THIS is where I will live.
This is my new place.

I have so many questions, Jung is pounding in my head, I want to talk with someone
interact--learn something from the dream? It doesn't look like me on the bed, but I know
it is--it always is.

I look around the room.
No artifacts.
Only a door. A closed door leading to the rest of the apartment.

I can open the door and walk through the place, look for a window...
maybe if I ran, if I moved quickly I could see where I was?

I reach for the handle and turn it to open it--and I awake.
I awake before even glimpsing what was on the other side.
On the couch in the real-world Daniel's house. Heart pounding still.

Always crushing when you wake up.
I lay there with my eyes closed trying to seal every detail in my waking memory.

Then I scribbled it down on paper.
The smallest detail, even the brand of the lotion.
Somehow every detail matters.

Words, colours--so many dual meanings always.
Trying not to impose any interpretation as the words are recorded.

That's for later.
Sometimes years later.

I've many ideas to its meaning--even now.
It was positive.
Of that I am certain...

And probably only interesting to me.


Posted by: emily (tugena13)
Posted at: January 14th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)

wow, i don't think i've ever been that aware in dreams, nor had one that vivid. sounds like you're longing for familiarity and home, while at the same time a clean slate.

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: January 24th, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC)
Lucidity, Silent and Otherwise

Hey old friend, it's good to hear from you again. Stumbling through your recent posts and thought I'd leave a comment on this one. Lucid Dreams, oh I've had a few, and you need to relax girl. You're touching your subconscious and actually on a razors edge between two realities at once. Think of a mirror, are you the original or the reflection? Both? Neither? Lucid dreams are when you -are- the glass surface of the mirror, it can really do a number on your sense of "reality" that's for sure. oh, I've had a few, some good, some not so good, and once that was such a horrific experience that I guess my subconscious took it back. I don't know what it was that scared me, but it did. I remember that I spoke briefly with my own subconscious. It told me to go away, I refused and something happened..... well, that's the part that got blocked out.

I've no secret for "how to have a lucid dream", never figured out how to =make= one happen. I've noticed that they happen usually when I'm relaxed and well rested. But a suggestion for your Point of Exploration, don't make things happen.. let them happen.
It's like being in a room with a cat, if you get up and go after it, the cat runs behind the couch. If you sit patiently and give it time, then the cat (sooner or later) will come sit on your lap and purr for your attention. Try not to Think "I've got to rush to the door before this ends" active conscious thought wakes you up, pushes you out that side of the mirror, back to being real. You've got to ... how to describe.. you have to "mood" your way to the door. That's my best description. Conscious thought is for the waking mind, you don't want that. I normally just float over to the door.
Tried "mooding" through walls a few times but it's such an unnatural act that I always wake up about halfway through the wall. Mainly because I'd get too excited about "dude, I'm going through a WALL!!" and wake up. Now I use doorknobs, or rather "wonder" about them... and they open themselves.

Float to the door - I should probably point out that I usually float in these dreams, perchance to fly if I make it through the door. No idea where I'm going really, I just want to go UP.

I should probably send you a proper email.
Big Steve

Posted by: Red Lipstick & Green Ink (ginger931)
Posted at: January 25th, 2008 06:23 am (UTC)
Re: Lucidity, Silent and Otherwise
Cup & Lip

I wasn't afraid, or for a moment in any discomfort.

The dream was positive.

The reflection--useful.

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